Show #1 is the first ever episode of 2 Sense, released on May 13, 2003. Being the first episode, this episode (along with Show #2) is loosley organized, with no segment intros or order. This episode was hosted by Jakebe.
- New Hampshire’s “Old Man of the Mountain” crumbles down
- Principal tries to thwart high school “hazing” ritual
- US officials “stunned” at looting of Iraqi museums
- Bus driver slaps disabled boy
- US Health Czar warns American fast food joints to shape up
- Man killed by elephant and mauled by leopard
- Furry convention on “The Man Show”
- Australian dedicated memorial for animals involved in wartime effort
- Advertisement for Pounced.org (furry personals site)
- Man takes four horses to car wash
- List of anti-religion bumper stickers
2: Welcome, welcome! Welcome to 2 Sense, the new show. It’s the new show and here we are. Lucky you, you get to be here for the very first show, unlike those other unlucky sons-a-bitches, and now you say “Oh, well 2, what the hell is this bullshit with 2 Sense, what is this?” This is a new show where we take great pains to point out all the moron-ism in the world because we just know that you need it pointed out to you because, you know, just in case you weren’t paying attention, there are a lot of dumb fucks on the planet. So! We’re going to point them all out to you. I am 2 The Ranting Gryphon and this is my Negro co-host, Jakebe.
Jakebe: What up?
2: He’s sitting right there and the point of having a…what’s the point of having a co-host? Do you know what it is?
Jakebe: The point of having a co-host is to have a different and interesting perspective and so you don’t go ranting about something for a complete hour.
2: (Sarcastically) Well, I could do that…The point of having a co-host is because; you know, someone has to be the dumbass and disagree with me. That’s the whole point.
2: Jakebe and I, as much as we constantly get along, we do disagree on some things. So-
Jakebe: Yeah, because he’s constantly wrong and I have to point it out to him.
2: See, Exactly! Like that. Good Example! Very adorable job there you did, yes!
Jakebe: I’m going to make such a great co-host.
2: You are, I love you already.
Jakebe: Almost too good because I’ll end up taking the show over.
2: …No, you won’t.
2: (Sarcastically) Because you’re not important and I am.
2: That’s the way it goes.
2: Okay, actually as a matter of fact, we were just having a disagreement with me about the show’s title a minute ago, “2 Sense” I think that’s pretty goddamn clever.
Jakebe: Yeah, but it’s something that you know, you’d hear on Fox News. Fox News channel would have something like “2 Sense” And it would be this big fat republican guy smoking a cigar and ranting about, you know, shit.
2: You know, I wouldn’t mind taking over Fox News.
2: I’d make it…I’d turn it into a good channel! ‘Cause right now it sucks!
Jakebe: I don’t know if Fox News could ever be a good channel, though. See, that’s the whole point.
2: Fox News is too sensationalist.
Jakebe: Well, you know-
2: That’s all it is, sensationalism. Weren’t they the first people to broadcast these “live chasing the criminal down the fuckin’ highway and OH MY GOD THEY SHOT HIM! Let’s see that again in slow fucking motion!”
Jakebe: Ooh, bullshit!
2: They were the first people to do that, weren’t they?
Jakebe: Well, you know yeah-
2: (Mockingly) “Get ratings! We kill people on the air!”
Jakebe: (Mockingly) “From the people that brought you world’s scariest police chases!”
Jakebe: I think it’s the next evolutionary step in news sensationalism, you know, if Jay Leno can flip into the Today Show spot, and actually do a pretty good job, you know-
2: Did he?
Jakebe: I’ve heard that he’s done a pretty good job, actually. He interviewed Colon Pal, he interview Rudolph Juliani, and uh, katy kurich interviewed a couple of other people and apparently they’re really wasn’t any difference.
2: You know, nobody with a chin like that could do a good job at anything.
2: Except sticking it up…I don’t know, never mind.
Jakebe: He could probably hold drinks pretty well.
2: Put it right on his chin!
Jakebe: Just set it on his chin, and then you could slurp.
2: His chin man, if you put a Hershey’s Kiss on the end it would look like a tit!
Jakebe: *Amused Sigh*
2: It would man! I’d be like this big chin tit! Damn, he’s weird.
Jakebe: People would suck on it.
2: People would suck on it and probably charge him for it.
Jakebe: Probably Ed Mc Man. Ed Mc Man will suck on anything if you give him enough money.
2: Well, he doesn’t have any teeth now so, you know…*Laughs*
2: Anyway, This is what we’re going to do. This is the whole point of this show.
2 Sense Episodes
|Preceded by: None||Succeded by: Show 2|